present: the body
Last August, I chose the word present as my guide. As the months have gone by, my connection to this seven-letter word has deepened and now I want to hold it tightly beyond my next birthday and throughout 2022.
If I am honest, I hope to always be working on staying present.
This word has kept me company for six months and it’s the perfect time for an update about how this word has been reflected in my days and shaped my life.
In the interest of keeping the reading length manageable, I want to share one aspect of how this word has been affecting me and will write about other ways in another installment.
The black backdrop of the radiographic images of my shoulder reveals a patchwork of stark white scar tissue. These shards are the tangible remnants from years of lifting patients and general joint overuse. Creating scar tissue was my body’s best attempt to repair itself despite my refusal to slow down or lighten life’s load.
Leaning into the word present has allowed me to pursue a kinder and more gentle approach and attitude towards my body. My tendency to push myself beyond quitting time is deeply ingrained.
Recently, my shoulder tendonitis flared up and it did not take me any length of time to understand the reasons. I didn’t ignore the warning signs and instead stayed present to that very moment, no matter the cost, I needed to rest and a lot of ice.
Being present helped me to stop, instead of pushing past pain, fatigue, and difficult emotions and instead, pause to listen, honor, and take heed to what attention my body needed.
Paying attention to the subtle and loud ways my body needs care allows me to be less mastered by the “shoulds” and consider what my body is communicating.
Taking a moment for a sustained stretch, sitting on the porch during a rare sun-laden winter moment, or a power nap might be required.
One of my favorite winter positions is to lay shrouded under a blanket upon our living room couch allowing the sun to move over the lengths of my frame until it reaches my face.
You could call this winter sunbathing :)
The hints of an epiphany have been swirling through my mind for quite some time. Pieces have been strewn about but not until this year, this week actually, have some of those blank spots begun to interlock.
One of the interesting aspects of growing older, at least for me, is how the body doesn’t obey the mind.
If you don’t believe, go outside and do a cartwheel. (wink.)
What the mind visualizes may not resemble the action. The mind doesn’t take into account the number of stars seen upon trying to recapture your gymnastic prowess of the past.
My mind is prone to forgetfulness but believes my body is decades younger.
Despite residing closer to 60 than 50 my mind still possesses beliefs of a younger vessel.
For several decades, I trained to walk long distances and it was commonplace to be out the door before the sun rose, tallying miles before my family awakened. Not a natural morning person, it wasn’t easy to push aside my comforter, but being a walker was part of my identity.
Over the last year, I haven’t been able to pinpoint why stepping across my threshold has been extremely difficult. Every day has felt like an invisible wall is barring me from my established and believed identity.
The other day, I decided to bundle a task by walking to pick up a photo order. Carl joined me for part of the walk, then returned home to join a work meeting.
Exiting the sliding door, my photos solidly placed in my backpack to walk home, I noticed how my body felt. My body was warm after the 15-20 minute walk, my pace quickened and my stride lengthened with ease.
In many ways, the identical endorphins I recall experiencing at mile 18 atop the St. John’s bridge with 8.2 miles to go, were present and deposited into my body and soul on my walk back to my neighborhood.
I felt every bit like Rocky Balboa, then, at 39, and, now. at 57.
Here is my epiphany:
I have been using an old model for a younger body when I actually need a new model for an older body.
I need to accept the days of sunrise walking might be over for now.
I may need to accept that my body isn’t ready for a walk until later in the day.
One consistent aspect remains, my body is slow to warm up.
I will remind myself to give my body 15 minutes.
Being present helps me to dig below the surface, not being satisfied with unresolved discouragement but instead, I can reach for a more helpful and loving way by unearthing grace for my current state.
Where do you need to stop pushing so hard in your life?
Can you find a few rays of sun or daylight to turn your gaze towards?
Do you need a blanket, a couch, and a precious nap?
What do you need to give 15 minutes to enjoy today?
Where do you need to give yourself 15 minutes to warm up?
What old models no longer fit your body or life?
Do you have a word leading your days?
If not, you can always borrow mine.
May words guide, instruct and be a gracious companion this year.
Note: As a way to deepen my connection to my word, I decided to participate in Ali Edward’s One Little Word(OLW) year-long class, one of the best leaps of faith made at the end of 2021. I purchased the class and ordered some of the optional journaling accessories. Well, hello shipping and supply chain issues! I received my materials the day before Valentine’s Day. With OLW, you are the boss. You can do as much or little as you desire. There are monthly prompts and guest contributors who lead the participants on the journey.
But I didn’t have my stuff!
During two of the most recent Zoom check-ins, the mantra “It’s not about the stuff” was adopted.
I am a perfectionistic, rule-follower, and hesitant to start without my stuff kind of gal.
This was H.A.R.D.
Midway through January, I started with what I had. There was a perfectly fine soft-sided journal and other materials gathering dust on my shelves. The last month has epitomized a blank canvas experience by creating out of what was inside of me and being surprised by the end result.
My package of supplies arrived and was beautiful to behold but had there not been a delay, I would have missed my own creative beauty. I stayed present instead of lamenting and longing for the future that is always out of my hands and control.
This has been the best $50 invested to join a community of people seeking to deepen their connection to an annual word of their choosing. I am in awe of the varied creativity but not intimidated. This season of time has been challenging, having a focus has been comforting.
It’s not too late to join as all content is archived and available plus wonderful video collections from the contributors throughout the month.
If you observe Lent, Ash Wednesday is March 2nd.
If you are looking for a way to journey through the 40+ days of Lent, you may enjoy the devotional published by the Dwell app. I have used their materials for Advent and Lent either by downloading the free pdf to use digitally or printing to make my own book.
This year, it was more cost-effective to order the paperback book. If you choose this method, order soon due to shipping delays. I ordered the paperback, which if ordered promptly, should arrive on time. The hardcover seems to be having a longer delay. However, the pdf is immediately available and free! You do not have to use the app to achieve the full benefit of the devotional. The app simply reads the verses with background music.
Below is the link detailing all the ways you can use this guide for the season of Lent.
